The turning of the page.

I haven't been writing here for a while now, because though so much has been happening in my life lately I'm finding it hard to find anything I want to write about. It's not that the things I'm experiencing aren't inspiring and good, but frankly sometimes they're hard to take in, and I'm finding that I'm starting to crave for stories because I'm finding it difficult to write my own. And yet every time I find one that offers me something to hold on to, something else makes it aversing and forces me to turn to the next thing. I know that at some point we all have to end up here, at that time in the story where you have everything but you can't make out what to do with it so you're forced to watch it crumble beneath your hands, to see it through until the next chapter or the next line that enables you to get a firmer grip again. I don't want to read the story ahead to see when things will be starting to turn around, but it's hard to watch it being written and feel that the story line is heading the wrong way. That you're doing everything you can to change it but that your effort only turns it further away from the direction you want it to go. So I guess this is my pause; the turning of the page and trying to make out what it all means. Because even though I'm a very small part in a very big story that's being written everywhere around me, this is still my own; my part to play. And I have to see it through, because there's nothing I'd rather do.