"Love" Noimp said, staring blankly out over the lake. "What do you think that is Luna? All those stories.." He trailed off. Then he took a deep breath and looked at Luna. It had shivered, she thought. His breath had shivered.
"That's just it. There´s so many stories. Every where I look, every person I meet have some kind of story to tell. But how much of that is really true, huh? How much of what you hear and see is not just dreams and fables. Stories, made to look real." He drew a hand through his hair and left it hanging from his neck. He shook his head. Like he was trying to shake it all off and said quietly "They're just.. coated in small truths to make the big lie more plausible."
Luna sat staring at him. She didn't know what to do. Didn't know what to say. He, who was always so composed. Always so coldly calculating and taking control of every situation. Where did all this come from?
"And the bad ones?" She new it was the wrong thing to say, but she said it anyway. She'd never been the strong one. Never been the one to patch up a wound when she new the infection had spread too far already. At least that's how she started to feel. He turned.
"Hm?"
"The bad stories, what about them? Are they just tall tales too, dressed up to look interesting?"
He stared at her for a moment, like he didn't really know how to respond. "I.. I don´t know, I.." He sunk his face into his hands. "this is all just.." He sat there silent for awhile, with his head still bent. Then he looked up. And he looked so tired. Like he hadn't slept for months, and yet Luna knew that the fatigue he felt was not a physical one.
"No I.. I guess, yes. The stories. They're so much a part of us. We weave tales for our selves and then we weave our selves into them as well, nestle our selves in so deep we can't even tell anymore that it's all just fiction. We need them. So badly that we just keep on weaving. The bad stuff as well, making them glow with that mysterious feel all over it. Trying to make it all look romantic so we won't have to see the real tragedy of it all."
"And what's that?"
He eyed her for just an instant, and with a sad smile said "That it's all really just boring."
Luna didn't look at him. Didn't want to. "Life?"
Noimp nodded. Luna bit her lip.
"You don't mean that."
Noimp's face turned even more grave. "I do."
They sat silent for a while. The night was so mild, so still. Not a ripple broke the blank surface of the lake. Luna looked at it. Long and hard. Like a looking glass, she thought. She could see the sky down there, just below the surface of the black water. The moon and the stars, burning so bright. And it was so beautiful. Luna picked up a rock by her feat, she made sure it was a big one, and she walked up to the rim of the water and threw it in with a big splash that broke the mirror into a million pieces.
"No!" She whirled around to face the astonished Noimp. "Do you know what the real tragedy is? You!" She'd turned all flushed and she didn't care. She could feel the heat rising inside her like an angry monster. But this time she didn't choke it. It could eat her alive for all she cared as long as it took Noimp with her. She was furious, and now she suddenly knew why.
"You are so sad, do you know that?" She could feel tears running down her face and she knew she was shouting. She just didn't care. "all this talk about stories and made up realities. Yeah, we make our own stories and yes, sometimes we're to scared to face the truth, but do you not see? Are you really that blind? What you have right here, this is real. The stories we make for our selves are what we choose to see, they're not just fiction. You talk about love like it's just something we create for our selves to make us feel like we have something to fight for. But you stopped fighting a long time ago Noimp. Hell, I think you stopped fighting the minute you stepped out of that lake. You made a choice, and now you act like there's nothing you can do about it. You're making yourself into a victim to make some kind of excuse for your self, and that's your story Noimp. You're giving up!"
Noimp was thunderstruck. He sat on the bench pale as a sheet and his lips pressed tightly together. And then he got up, and walked up to Luna until he was so close that she could feel his heavy breath on her face.
"You know nothing about what I've done."
"And you think I can't imagine. You think you're the only one with a weight on your back? Do you think you're the only one with a sad story?"
"How would you know?" Noimp's eyes narrowed. "You can't remember yours."
Luna flinched like he'd punched her. And then they both stood there, breathing heavily. No one ready to back down. Then finally Luna spoke. But this time her voice was weak, and she had to force the words from her mouth.
"And you don't think that's hard." She said. "At least you have memories. At least you know you had people who trusted and needed you. You go ahead and say it was all just in your head, that it's nothing but a dream you can never get back to. I don't even have that. Just a big black hole in the back of my neck, eating away my future as well." She sobbed. "Have you even tried to get back to her? Have you even looked for the slightest possible chance? If love only belongs in the stories, then why am I watching you fade away over nothing?"
Noimp took a step back. He trembled. "It's not.. The physics.."
"Screw the bloody physics!" Luna started to scream again. "So you say this door closes once you´ve entered it, then find another one!"
"Luna!" Noimp took another step back and frustratingly drew his hand through his hair. "It's not that simple. Even if I did find another one, it could take years until it finally opened, and I could spend my entire life waiting, and I could never be sure that it actually would, during my lifetime."
"Noimp." Luna stepped forward and took his hands. He looked at her like he was about to brake, and clenched at her hands like they where stopping him from falling.
"That doesn't mean that you don't have a choice. You can stay here and you can allow yourself to fade away. Or you can move on, tell your self that she'll get by. That she'll live her life and allow yourself to do the same."
Noimp started to weep. He was shaking and he felt like he couldn't get enough air.
"Or" Luna said softly "You can be true to your self and do what you've always done so far. What, as I understand it, used to be the one thing you always lived for." Noimp looked up at Luna, still sobbing. "You can keep on looking. No matter what. Because you have something to fight for Noimp. So stop telling yourself differently just because it's easy. I might not have my memories, but I've seen enough to know that it will kill you if you don't."
Luna let go of his hands and went back to sit on the bench. After a while Noimp came and sat down beside her.
"And what about you? What are you going to do?"
Luna gave Noimp a halfhearted smile. "I'm going to start looking too."
"Really? Just like that."
"Yeah. I can't just be a big mouth can I. I'll have to face my fears sometime too. Besides, I think my time of refuge is starting to come to an end. It's time."
"What makes you say that?"
Luna shrugged. "Just a feeling."
Noimp looked at Luna. So much alike, he thought, and yet nothing the same. They looked out at the lake that'd turned still again, reflecting the stars above. Noimp took a flat pebble from the ground and threw it in the water. They watched it bounce on the surface a couple of times before it dove down and sunk. Noimp glanced at Luna.
"Would yo like me to teach you?"
This time Luna's smile went all the way up to her eyes.
"I'd love to."
"That's just it. There´s so many stories. Every where I look, every person I meet have some kind of story to tell. But how much of that is really true, huh? How much of what you hear and see is not just dreams and fables. Stories, made to look real." He drew a hand through his hair and left it hanging from his neck. He shook his head. Like he was trying to shake it all off and said quietly "They're just.. coated in small truths to make the big lie more plausible."
Luna sat staring at him. She didn't know what to do. Didn't know what to say. He, who was always so composed. Always so coldly calculating and taking control of every situation. Where did all this come from?
"And the bad ones?" She new it was the wrong thing to say, but she said it anyway. She'd never been the strong one. Never been the one to patch up a wound when she new the infection had spread too far already. At least that's how she started to feel. He turned.
"Hm?"
"The bad stories, what about them? Are they just tall tales too, dressed up to look interesting?"
He stared at her for a moment, like he didn't really know how to respond. "I.. I don´t know, I.." He sunk his face into his hands. "this is all just.." He sat there silent for awhile, with his head still bent. Then he looked up. And he looked so tired. Like he hadn't slept for months, and yet Luna knew that the fatigue he felt was not a physical one.
"No I.. I guess, yes. The stories. They're so much a part of us. We weave tales for our selves and then we weave our selves into them as well, nestle our selves in so deep we can't even tell anymore that it's all just fiction. We need them. So badly that we just keep on weaving. The bad stuff as well, making them glow with that mysterious feel all over it. Trying to make it all look romantic so we won't have to see the real tragedy of it all."
"And what's that?"
He eyed her for just an instant, and with a sad smile said "That it's all really just boring."
Luna didn't look at him. Didn't want to. "Life?"
Noimp nodded. Luna bit her lip.
"You don't mean that."
Noimp's face turned even more grave. "I do."
They sat silent for a while. The night was so mild, so still. Not a ripple broke the blank surface of the lake. Luna looked at it. Long and hard. Like a looking glass, she thought. She could see the sky down there, just below the surface of the black water. The moon and the stars, burning so bright. And it was so beautiful. Luna picked up a rock by her feat, she made sure it was a big one, and she walked up to the rim of the water and threw it in with a big splash that broke the mirror into a million pieces.
"No!" She whirled around to face the astonished Noimp. "Do you know what the real tragedy is? You!" She'd turned all flushed and she didn't care. She could feel the heat rising inside her like an angry monster. But this time she didn't choke it. It could eat her alive for all she cared as long as it took Noimp with her. She was furious, and now she suddenly knew why.
"You are so sad, do you know that?" She could feel tears running down her face and she knew she was shouting. She just didn't care. "all this talk about stories and made up realities. Yeah, we make our own stories and yes, sometimes we're to scared to face the truth, but do you not see? Are you really that blind? What you have right here, this is real. The stories we make for our selves are what we choose to see, they're not just fiction. You talk about love like it's just something we create for our selves to make us feel like we have something to fight for. But you stopped fighting a long time ago Noimp. Hell, I think you stopped fighting the minute you stepped out of that lake. You made a choice, and now you act like there's nothing you can do about it. You're making yourself into a victim to make some kind of excuse for your self, and that's your story Noimp. You're giving up!"
Noimp was thunderstruck. He sat on the bench pale as a sheet and his lips pressed tightly together. And then he got up, and walked up to Luna until he was so close that she could feel his heavy breath on her face.
"You know nothing about what I've done."
"And you think I can't imagine. You think you're the only one with a weight on your back? Do you think you're the only one with a sad story?"
"How would you know?" Noimp's eyes narrowed. "You can't remember yours."
Luna flinched like he'd punched her. And then they both stood there, breathing heavily. No one ready to back down. Then finally Luna spoke. But this time her voice was weak, and she had to force the words from her mouth.
"And you don't think that's hard." She said. "At least you have memories. At least you know you had people who trusted and needed you. You go ahead and say it was all just in your head, that it's nothing but a dream you can never get back to. I don't even have that. Just a big black hole in the back of my neck, eating away my future as well." She sobbed. "Have you even tried to get back to her? Have you even looked for the slightest possible chance? If love only belongs in the stories, then why am I watching you fade away over nothing?"
Noimp took a step back. He trembled. "It's not.. The physics.."
"Screw the bloody physics!" Luna started to scream again. "So you say this door closes once you´ve entered it, then find another one!"
"Luna!" Noimp took another step back and frustratingly drew his hand through his hair. "It's not that simple. Even if I did find another one, it could take years until it finally opened, and I could spend my entire life waiting, and I could never be sure that it actually would, during my lifetime."
"Noimp." Luna stepped forward and took his hands. He looked at her like he was about to brake, and clenched at her hands like they where stopping him from falling.
"That doesn't mean that you don't have a choice. You can stay here and you can allow yourself to fade away. Or you can move on, tell your self that she'll get by. That she'll live her life and allow yourself to do the same."
Noimp started to weep. He was shaking and he felt like he couldn't get enough air.
"Or" Luna said softly "You can be true to your self and do what you've always done so far. What, as I understand it, used to be the one thing you always lived for." Noimp looked up at Luna, still sobbing. "You can keep on looking. No matter what. Because you have something to fight for Noimp. So stop telling yourself differently just because it's easy. I might not have my memories, but I've seen enough to know that it will kill you if you don't."
Luna let go of his hands and went back to sit on the bench. After a while Noimp came and sat down beside her.
"And what about you? What are you going to do?"
Luna gave Noimp a halfhearted smile. "I'm going to start looking too."
"Really? Just like that."
"Yeah. I can't just be a big mouth can I. I'll have to face my fears sometime too. Besides, I think my time of refuge is starting to come to an end. It's time."
"What makes you say that?"
Luna shrugged. "Just a feeling."
Noimp looked at Luna. So much alike, he thought, and yet nothing the same. They looked out at the lake that'd turned still again, reflecting the stars above. Noimp took a flat pebble from the ground and threw it in the water. They watched it bounce on the surface a couple of times before it dove down and sunk. Noimp glanced at Luna.
"Would yo like me to teach you?"
This time Luna's smile went all the way up to her eyes.
"I'd love to."
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